I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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