Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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