Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
