dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When are your genitals available?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
