He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize