Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
