yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
