Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
