While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
