i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
