im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Houston, we have a squirter
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
