just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
