Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
