I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
