Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
