I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
