All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
