that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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