I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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