The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
