Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
