i think my tv is drunk
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
