I'm drive I can fine osifer
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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