remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
