I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
