I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
