My girlfriend figured out who you are.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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