Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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