Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
