I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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