He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
