Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
