what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
