I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
