You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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