sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
