Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
