When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
