I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
