you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
