So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
