i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
