I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
