Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
