why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
