I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
