Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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