using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
