My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
