His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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