he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
