I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
