I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
