Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
