You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
