Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
