when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
