even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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