Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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