So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
