all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love you. Go after that dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
