i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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