so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize