fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
