Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
