I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
