You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
