apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
