And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
