She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
