you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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