Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
