Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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