i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
