I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
