I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
